once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
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I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
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I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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