I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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