goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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