I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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