plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I need moral support for this bender
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
