Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I still have a little drunk in my system
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
