how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
