Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
