The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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