Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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