Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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