he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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