Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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