I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
