so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
