I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
im drinking this country out of the recession.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
