i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
