so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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