I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
