I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
