Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
