you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
