Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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