It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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