I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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