I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
