you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
