I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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