I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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