there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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