This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
