Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
