$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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