did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
