you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
