I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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