sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Are we still banned from the library?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
