Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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