Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
