I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
