I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
