I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
did i just pee glitter
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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