Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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