My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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