he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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