So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Randomize
