That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Randomize
