Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
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