She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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