I wanna bring you to show and tell
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
