You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
