I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize