Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
