I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
