It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
