I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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