Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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