Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
