i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
