I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
