you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
