He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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