i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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