she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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