Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
