I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
