why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
True strength comes from lack of pants
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
