we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
