once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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