I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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