I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
