I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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