im drinking this country out of the recession.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
