the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
