did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
