Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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